Now I can rest easy. The Question of the Century has been answered for me. Now I can retire to Bora Bora and let all my troubles lift from my mind and shoulders, enjoy my retirement, chase after the nubile maidens in that fair land, and contemplate moon rises, for this I now know:

“Many duck penises are cork-screw shaped and some scientists believe this is because of a form of evolution known as ‘sexual conflict’.”

“The grant was made available through the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, better known as the stimulus package.” [Link]

But I do wish the government would fund a study of why, oh why, goose droppings resemble tiny gray-green grenades. I will wait with bated breath for the findings, happy to know that my tax dollars are being so well spent.

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